Chapter 2 — Chapter 2

I wrote an ad and sent a letter to the "Elf Herald" newspaper. The latest issue was right in front of me. I sniffed it: I love the smell of fresh ink on a newly printed newspaper. On the front page, as always, was the elf queen, a skinny hag with large breasts. An elderly coquette ruling our world, with bright painted lips... well, actually, her whole face is just a mask. Apparently, makeup is her only salvation now; she's almost a thousand years old...

The article reported the death of the queen's eighth husband, and she is now looking for her ninth. She chooses husbands who are either elderly so she can become their heiress, or they must be human. The only elf who fathered her daughter died three hundred years ago.

Our world is technically divided into three parts: vampires, humans, and elves. In reality, it's all an elven kingdom... well, something like that. The vampires kept their principality, but the humans... they couldn't accept it, and their tiny kingdom is squeezed to the edge of the world. Though they live everywhere and are the majority.

The second page contained brief events of the week: who died, who got married, trials, civil wars... I particularly tracked the deceased — maybe someone interesting would turn up. But, as always, the rich were buried in family crypts, well-guarded...

Well, there were some goblins, a couple, buried in the central cemetery after a fight. Dwarves too, but their bodies are buried in stone, which is inconvenient to steal. In short, nothing interesting...

I looked at another page, where an animated magical picture showed the academy rector, saying he would leave his post due to age as soon as he appointed a successor. By the way, they're looking for a dark magic teacher, but of course, they won't take me because I'm young and so on, and then there'll be children, a husband... My experience won't satisfy them, so they're looking for a man, as always.

In short, nothing new or interesting; after flipping through to the end, I reached the classifieds. Buy, sell, rent... Ah, here are the ones I need: "I will marry a young woman without a dowry," and he's almost five hundred years old... Hmm... A couple more: "I will give myself to caring female hands, even elderly ones." A few from women: "A sweet young woman (yeah, only a hundred and thirty) will move in with a lonely man, care guaranteed" (she guarantees care to the other side?). Cute, of course... And nothing worthwhile!

I put the newspaper aside and looked at the quiet undead.

"Did you clean everything up?"

"Yes, lady!"

"And did you polish the brass plaques?" — those really annoyed me.

"Yes, lady!" — they huddled together in fear.

"And what did you do with your fallen-off flesh?" — I looked at their bodies; bones were already visible, soon they'll be full skeletons.

"We buried it in our graves!" — they wailed in unison.

"Did I allow that?" — I lowered my voice, a seven-tailed whip glowing in my hand.

"We thought..." — the undead started to whine.

"Did I allow you to think?" — I gritted my teeth, barely containing my anger.

At the last moment, I let it go; I needed to go hunting. It's not right to scare the servants, and I needed to completely strip their flesh, dry their bones, and put new costumes on them; these were already covered in mold. Since I'll have to move, I'll take them with me. Swinging the whip, I wrapped the dead bodies in magic: a spell that would remove all organic matter from them in a couple of days.

Jumping up, I went outside and inhaled the cool night air. Autumn is coming soon; I love it, but winter follows, and it's boring there, and I still have to move. Over eighty years, my tower has turned into a library, a laboratory, and a storage for rare items. But apparently, fate wants me to tidy up there; perhaps I'll be better off in another castle. No more mother's shrieks about stinking up the whole house...

In general, our world is boring, no global wars, no morals. They say it's fun in the neighboring ones, but we have a ban on visiting neighboring worlds. Allegedly, to prevent the youth from picking up conflicting views. We have a matriarchy, well, among the elves, while vampires and humans rule the old-fashioned way. Though something might change among the vampires.

If only a young talent would raise the cemetery... But somehow, there are few dark magicians, and they're all under control, no fooling around.

I'd better start packing! I only have two assistants, two goblin skeletons; they're less useful, but they're great at carrying heavy loads. Anyway, I can't sleep at night...

Returning to the castle, I ordered the goblins to carry the boxes. I decided to start with the tower's attic, where everything I didn't use was piled up. But over a long time, something useful might have ended up there. If I don't need it, let them take it outside; my mother's servants will find a use for it, or it'll go into the fireplace. It's been a while since I heated the tower, to get rid of the damp smell... Though I don't get cold, not at all, even in winter, I just throw a thin cloak over my shoulders, and that's just for show.

The attic was completely empty in two hours. Everything I didn't need and that burned well was already warming and drying the tower in the fireplace. In the end, only one box of supposedly useful things remained; I attached a scroll to it with a list of what was inside.

There were few books in the library because all the particularly valuable ones were in the academy and were forbidden to be taken out. This was my personal collection, bought from various shops, even underground ones. The shelves were empty in three hours — two boxes and an exact list of books. I've wanted to do this for a long time, but somehow, I never got around to making a catalog. Now I at least know exactly what I have. I duplicated it in my diary, which, by the way, needs to be rewritten, and I should organize all the entries...

I need a secretary... Mother won't give me money for a living one! She cut my allowance to a thousand gold a year! It's outrageously humiliating; my sisters got ten! And as a result of my complaints: I need to walk through the cemetery; maybe they buried a scribe recently...

When I reached the laboratory, my hands dropped. It would probably take more than a couple of hours to handle this. Everything was piled up, cluttered... I sat down tiredly on the edge of a chair. Why the edge? Because even there were vials on it.

It was dawning outside; I decided to postpone everything until tomorrow night. I need to find sawdust; glass is fragile, and before casting the box-securing spell, I need to carefully pack everything.

I went to the bedroom, stripped off my clothes, and collapsed onto the bed. Suddenly realizing that the castle servants had neglected my quarters. Either there was an order from my mother not to clean my room... I'll have to sort out the clothes on the floor and chairs when I wake up, I'm not a child, and I can manage without the servants' help! Suddenly feeling offended, they're driving me out of my own home!

I woke up closer to evening and sat up in bed. I realized I was hungry, but to eat, I'd have to go to the castle's kitchen...

Stepping over the clothes, I headed to the bathroom, but to take a bath, I needed to clean it first. With a sigh, I grabbed a brush and a cloth and started scrubbing with soapy water. Yes, by hand, because if I used my magic, everything would be covered in mold!

After bathing, I cleaned up after myself, throwing all the clothes back into the bedroom. Bundling everything up, I set aside items for the laundry—I certainly won't be washing them myself! Putting on the last clean outfit, a skirt, blouse, and jacket, I braided my hair. Picking up the bundles, I used a magical gesture to send everything to the castle's basement. Looking around, I decided to add the bed linens, and now, more or less, there was order!

I left the tower and went down to the basement; the maids, seeing me, froze in fear.

"Tomorrow, all my clothes in the wardrobe must be clean!" I looked at them.

"But the lady forbade us..."

"Then I'll send a couple of undead to help you!" I smirked. "I can do it today if you need help?"

"No! It will all be done!" They bowed.

"Excellent! And don't forget to change my bed linens!"

"Yes, lady!"

"Excellent!" I turned around and headed to the kitchen.

"Prepare a dinner tray!" I barked, stopping at the threshold. The cook froze, then started making signs to ward off evil. As if that affected me... "Quickly!"

A couple of minutes later, I got what I wanted, everything just as I liked it, and in large quantities. Taking it all to my study, I started eating, beginning with a juicy, rare steak, just as I loved it.

"What do you think you're doing?" The door to the tower slammed, and my mother stood beside me, covering her nose with a scented handkerchief in disgust.

"What exactly do you mean?" I continued enjoying my meal. "That my bed linens haven't been changed in a month? The laundresses won't take my clothes to wash? Oh, and I have to demand my food? This?"

"The servants are afraid to come here!"

"And what? Who's scaring them here?"

"Your skeletons!" My mother radiated an unusual amount of anger, so strong that my delicious stew suddenly started tasting bitter.

"Nonsense, they don't leave the upper part of the tower, and the bedroom and living room are down here! What's the problem with cleaning here?" I gestured around me.

"When are you moving out?" My mother stomped her foot.

"I'm waiting for the document that secures the castle to me permanently, that's one thing. Secondly, an increase in my allowance, otherwise, it feels like you're denying my existence as your daughter!"

"Aren't you asking for too much?" My mother boiled over.

"Then I'm staying! The food is free, there's a laundry service..." I pushed the stew away, it was inedible... well, she couldn't have ruined the pastries, could she? I bit into a pie with interest, no, it seemed fine.

"You'll get the document," my mother gritted her teeth, "and two thousand a year!"

"Five! And room cleaning while I'm here!" I calmly poured myself some tea.

"I performed the blood ritual seven times, hoping it was wrong, and you weren't my daughter!" Venom dripped from my mother's mouth.

"I know," I distastefully pushed away the tea cup, now covered in mold. How could she project her emotions onto food like that?

"You'll get everything, but on the condition that you leave no later than five days from now!"

"Fine," I hoped she would leave... And I'd have to go back to the kitchen. Though, maybe not, my appetite was gone, and the food I'd eaten now sat like a lump in my stomach.

My mother left with the dignity of a queen, and I remained sitting, watching the food become inedible... And yet, she's supposed to be an elf... where does all that venom come from?